The One That Liberated Me

Okay so I said that I would write, but I didn't say how often. So I apologize for the long delay. I also mentioned that I would write about the record that got me laid, but it seems so trite and childish. Something that Billy Idol would say if asked why he covered Mony Mony, "Because you bloody ass, it's the song that I played the first time I shagged a lady." Honestly, I don't want to sound that way, because music penetrates me so much deeper than it representing some momentary reflection in my past. I listen to music so I can feel something, deeply feel something. I want music to make me cry, which these days, every song makes me cry. I want it to dive deep into my heart, launch a nuclear time bomb, then I want it to explode as I am hearing the singer wail his fucking heart out. When the song ends, I want it again and again again. It's like a fucking drug and when you finally have built up a wall of tolerance, after 1000000 listens, you move on to the next one.



The first album I am going to write about is Veneer by Jose Gonzalez. It flows like the summer ocean under a small sailboat, where two lovers enjoy the freedom of love without the worries of the outside world. They reflect on the past, the future, the good times and the bad, on God and it all ends with a tragic reflection that this would be the last time they would spend together


.... The sun went down
And with it the love we found
That's the way things are sometimes
Most of the time

It's hopeful and tragic all at the same time. I can remember every moment related to this record. The actual date I listened to it, the actual moment I heard Heartbeats and who I was staring at, and the actual life changing event that resulted in this album being my liberation.

I received it on my desk from our label sales rep. It was buried under a bunch of punk and SKA garbage, the new Of Montreal and a few other SubPop doodads. I took the stack home with me that night, like I always do. I plopped them into my computer and proceeded to rip them into iTunes. I dragged them onto my iPod and thought nothing of it. The next morning, June 7th of 2006, I had to jump on a plane to LA for some label meetings and other work obligations. I got to the airport early and sat down with my iPod. I scrolled down to my "Recent Shit" playlist and got to Jose Gonzalez. I played track one, Slow Moves, simple, soft and revealing. It immediately pulled me in. I could hear the pain in his heart. The struggle he possessed as he waded through honesty and lies. The Swedish born sensitivity swept through my iPod headphones captured me. The next track, Remain, flowed well from the first track and layered a simple Spanish flamenco sound that exposed his Argentinian heritage. She stained his heart, a bloodstain that he could wash away...wow that line always gets me. That lyric continued into the next track Lovestain. At that point I put away my iPod and boarded the plane. I spent the next hour talking to my staff, landed, jumped in a rental car and headed off to my meetings. Not knowing that the next track on this magnificent album would liberate and expose me to the perfection of song writing.

Heartbeats
One night to be confused
one night to speed up truth
we had our promise paid
four hands and then away

both under influence
we had divine scent
to know what to say
mind is a razorblade

to call for hands of above
to lean on
wouldn't be good enough
for me, no

one night of magic rush
the start a simple touch
one night to push and scream
and then relief

ten days of perfect hues
the colors red and blue
we had a promise paid
we were in love

to call for hands of above
to lean on
wouldn't be good enough
for me, no

to call for hands of above
to lean on
wouldn't be good enough

and you, you knew the hand of the devil
and you, kept us awake with wolves' teeth
sharing different heartbeats
in one night

to call for hands of above
to lean on
wouldn't be good enough
for me, no

to call for hands of above
to lean on
wouldn't be good enough
for me, no

Just reading those lyrics makes me cry. It was this song that was playing as I kissed the woman who would liberate me. The song so perfectly expresses exactly what I was about to encounter in my life. It's not often that music can truly be the forecasting soundtrack of your life. It exposed me and brought her into my life. The power of a passionate night can last a lifetime. Jose so perfectly defines what it means to falls in love via passion. Knowing full well that by taking that first step you can never turn back. Your past will forever be tattooed by this memory. The feeling is so overwhelming that you can't deny it, and you know, that not even God can give you more, but only her. The one that you love. Nothing ever replaces that moment, that moment when your lips meet for the very first time. Under the perfect circumstances, this song comes on, not planned, and your life is forever shaken by her perfection. This song, nicely tucked away at track 4, a bleeding, desperate heart is perfectly anchored by his plea for God's help. To relieve him of this pain and longing. Crosses, is God speaking to him while he writhes his bed. The life of the city bustling around him, God tells him everything will be alright. But when you're healing a broken heart, not even God, who speaks to you directly, can relieve you of that pain. Fucking powerful and beautiful.

Now I could go on and describe the other 6 tracks, but why. Go buy the Goddamn album and listen to it yourself. The first five songs are so utterly beautiful that you have no reason to stop it. Let it play and you make your own assessment. I assure you...if you've ever loved and longed. Ever been 348 miles away from the one you love, but can't be with them. You'll understand this record.

My final parting moment from this album happened tonight. I was vigorously working away when I noticed on SFGate.com that Jose Gonzalez was playing at the Great American Music Hall. I texted my love and asked her to jump on a plane to attend with me. The time ticked and I knew she would have a hard time making it. I ended up going to the show with some random worker bees. People I literally have no emotional attachment to and frankly I will never feel anything for these people. I knew I made a grave mistake by going with them, but I couldn't do it by myself. I knew I would miss her way too much and I would start crying over a warm beer looking pathetic and lonely. So I encouraged these surrogate friends to come with me. Jose came on to the stage and he plucked that first note...Heartbeats...damn it, and I was with these schlubs. I took off and spiraled through the crowd. I had to get closer to the back door, to see if maybe, just maybe she would come sauntering in looking for me. I knew full well that a trip from LA to SF in less than three hours was impossible, but my heart hoped. The song ended and I was left with a crowd of geeks and my warm beer. My only suggestion....when an artist devours your heart, never see him without your lover by your side.